Helped to death!

 I find that there are times when you can learn lessons from simple actions in life today it was a housefly!

                                            Photo by Pete M on Unsplash

In Michigan, you often see house flies as I did the other morning. I walked into the bathroom and there was a housefly trying to get out of the window but of course, the screen just kept him in. I watched as this fly dove into the screen only to bounce back time and again. There is a recent 2-inch, kitty-induced, rip in our bathroom screen (probably due to a fly) that I have not yet repaired.  

I thought, poor stupid fly! It cannot see that there is an easy out right below where it is pounding its face into the screen. I thought "...see that is what separates humans and animals. We can see the problem and fix it."  So I decided that the superior being would be benevolent. I tugged at the little rip so it was sort of open more and I proceeded to take my hand and guide the fly to the opening.

I tried once and he bounced near it but then flew over my hand. 

I tried once again with all good intentions to help this dumb little insect. This time I was not quite as slow and wanted the fly to change and go in the right direction and out the way I had seen and made for him.

 As I moved my hand down the screen focusing on the opening and my goal for the fly I missed the fact the fly had landed on the screen below my hand and I rolled right over the fly and well... he did not survive. 

He fell to the windowsill and so did several of his parts.  I looked at the fly and like a human I thought - "stupid fly if you would have done as I wanted you be free, not dead!"

I paused there....

 If I had let the fly alone it would not have died or it might have found out that I once made a bigger hole.  I provided a way but then tried to force it on the fly instead of letting the fly find it's own way and use it naturally. 

I helped the fly to death...

How many times have I had people in the counseling office that saw behaviors in other people (kids, spouses etc..) and decided to help them to be free? 

I have seen so many times that people were sure their goals, lifestyle, or ideas of the "best way" to save a loved one that  was "stuck" or "not using their life right."  So many times they often lose the people they are "trying" to help. 

They might not die but they may leave the person's life and separation is not unlike death.   I have also seen people come in that have been "helped" to a place they feel crushed, like my little fly teacher, and I have heard how they feel rejected and hurt by the one(s) trying to help.   

I think that if you see someone making bad choices you can talk to them and offer them a different option. Then you have to sit back and see if they take advantage of it. If you try to force them out of the opening that you see for their lives, more times than not you will lose them or that person will return to the same behavior because they did not find or chose the way out.

In homage to the little fly may we learn this lesson - offering a way out of a bad place is safer than trying to force someone out of a bad place - until they see it or want out you have to be careful or you to can help them to death. 

Share a time that you or someone you know has tried to help someone too much in the comments?