Thoughts from a Therapist

 I have been asked by people in counseling sessions “How can I ever get over this?” and “How can I ever get back to life?” These are people that have come to a point where problems are making them feel like their lives have actually stopped and they cannot see how they can get it going again. Photo by Youcef Chenzer on Unsplash Over the years I have given many different answers to these questions. I have said things like: “Well you have to take one day at a time" and "When things are this hard you just have to have hope and believe that a better day will come in time.”  I have been through many hard and bad things in my life but after I had to deal with cancer my entire life view has been reshaped. The advice I use to give was solid answers but not very useful ones! This is so hard when a person feels when they are down to the point they feel life is stopped and they cannot see a better day and they look to you to help them get going again!  The true change in my he...

 I find that there are times when you can learn lessons from simple actions in life today it was a housefly!                                                        Photo by Pete M on Unsplash In Michigan, you often see house flies as I did the other morning. I walked into the bathroom and there was a housefly trying to get out of the window but of course, the screen just kept him in. I watched as this fly dove into the screen only to bounce back time and again. There is a recent 2-inch, kitty-induced, rip in our bathroom screen (probably due to a fly) that I have not yet repaired.   I thought, poor stupid fly! It cannot see that there is an easy out right below where it is pounding its face into the screen. I thought "...see that is what separates humans and animals. We can see the problem and fix it."  So I ...

 To be the best version of yourself – you must know the worst version of yourself.                                                                  Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash “It doesn’t understand I don’t even get mad that often…” or “I only talk loud never yell” These are just a few of the responses I have heard in sessions from people when I ask what you look like when you are mad? The truth is we don’t get to see our worst selves very often. We always play down our bad sides for the reality of seeing yourself is often more than we can take or worse than we think we are. I have asked families to record the family interactions good and bad and try to do so without being noticed so we can review some clips in session! Well as you might have guessed there is some resistance to ...

 Once a 10 yr boy that, was yelling at his mother a lot was brought in to work with me. The mother said I need him to stop yelling at me!  After the first session, she waited in the car while I talked to the boy. He never yelled at me or showed anger in any way. About 3 sessions later the mother came in very upset and said: "I am disappointed he is still yelling at me!"  I asked if he had shared his treatment coping skills with her? She said no. I reminded her that in the first session, I encouraged her to come in and work with us. The mother had chosen not to come in with the boy and when I asked her why she said -  "He is the problem, not me!"  I got her to start participating in treatment with her son (first 15 mins) and we soon found out that communication in the family was not very functional. We made a family plan and an individual plan and things began to work much better.  ------- Photo by  Jordan Whitt  on  Unsplash In the past few y...